New Divide

There was nothing in sight
but memories left
abandoned
There was nowhere to hide
the ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in
between where we were
standing
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason
to prove me wrong
to wash this
memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Across this new divide
-Linkin Park-

So here I find myself on the far side of this New Divide. This space, this place, that is hundreds of physical miles from friends and families and light years away emotionally and mentally. I find myself on the verge of a new school, a new way of thinking, and a new life. What is the reason, is this something I deserve???

I am finally bringing my long and much needed vacation to an end. I know it's been awhile so an explanation is needed I think. I finished working July 24th and took the advice of a few current law students I had heard from, which was namely "Take a long good vacation, you are going to need it."

So I did just that. I went back to Atlanta, and from there I went to New York, then to Toronto Canada, then to Niagara Falls, back to New York, back to Atlanta, then to Dayton Ohio to visit my grandparents, and finally I'm on my way back to Chicago. Busy? Yeah I know. I really got to see and do a lot and it was nice just getting up and doing whatever made me happy for the day. More importantly I had a chance to see lots of my friends and family before school starts. I really enjoyed the time with my loved ones, but it enforced an idea in my head more then ever that this next stage in my life will literally divide me from them.

In the physical sense I have moved to a city basically on my own. There is really no support network here for me other then a single uncle that I do not really have a familiar relationship with. The nearest support would be my grandparents five hours away. Other then that I am completely on my own. I've had my own place before (with a roomate) but never have I been quite so alone. It will be different; nice, but lonely, and im not quite sure how the solitude will affect me.

In a more 'meta' there will be another divide, one that I cant really put a name on it. After being home and talking to friends and my family, I cant help but feel a distance developing between me and some people. I realize that I am only 23, but I feel as if I am ready to move on to the next part of my life. This is not a judgment, everyone takes their own winding journey through life, and God knows mine has not been without it's detours and double-backs...but on the whole, law school, and what it represents to me, is a major step forward. For one, it will deliver a tangible step in the direction of my career and life goals. It's also forcing a level of maturity on me that I did not have as a undergrad student. I've done the college thing already, I dont need to get "accustomed" to the life style, study habits, and the independence that comes with it. I can fully focus on doing what is best for me and my future.

"Future", that's another thing that keeps coming up in my thoughts. I'm ready to face it. I dont know what it it holds, I have my thoughts on the subject, but more then anything I'm just ready to get there. So here I stand, with my back to my past and facing this New Divide. The saying goes "We will cross that bridge when we get to it"...well I'm here, and I'm ready, it's time to see what the future holds.

Marqus A Cole